A young man woke up at seven in the morning as his alarm clock went off. He rolled out of bed and over to his window where he looked out into the morning sunrise.
“Today I wage the holiest of holy wars” he said to himself.
He grabbed his gold crucifix and threw it around his neck. His next stop, the modern day antietam, the internet.
A man in his early thirties rolled out of bed to the sound of birds chirping. The smell of vegan eggs filled the air of his parents house. A familiar aroma. He stepped into his birkenstocks and headed to the modern day antietam, the internet.
This day was unlike any other day. This day “Earth Day” and “Good Friday” were on THE SAME DAY!!!
Ezekiel was home schooled for fear he would be infested by the germs of the world. However, one day, while playing softball at church, a man in a neatly starched shirt approached Ezekiel with a proposition.
“Join us. We carry out only the holiest of missions. Our guns shoot only bullets of light and our swords are made from the most sacred of steel. We call ourselves 'Jezo Clan'.”
Ezekiel was hooked. He wanted to fight so badly but only in the purest of ways. He thirsted for the blood of another man. For there was power in the blood.
Moongayz was playing frisbee golf when he threw his four disc into the bushes nearby. He walked over to retrieve it and as he bent down he heard a voice whisper from beneath the whispering willows.
“Join us. For gaya. She cannot fight for she has no arms, and she cannot run for she bears no legs. You can be her limbs. We call ourselves the 'Terra Squad' and we take no prisoners.”
Moongayz enlisted immediately.
They sat fingertip to fingertip disconnected only by an ethernet cable and a monitor.
“Happy Earth Day” posted Moongayz.
“Today is Good Friday! Not Earth day!” posted Ezekiel.
How could this be? The Mayan calendar must have seen this coming. How could the most advanced civilizations on earth have possibly scheduled two holidays on the same day? As they both refreshed at a carpal tunnel pace they realized only one of them would survive.
“There can be only one”
“If it wasnt for jesus there would be no earth! - E-
“Man cannot live without earth, dude. I mean how can a man survive without food or energy that is provided by the earth itself. Without earth there would be no jesus.” - M-
“You are soooooo wrong. Cuz jesus was not a man! Jesus was a son of god! The only son of god.! He made the earth and he made all the plants and animals and stuff so that man could live here!” -E-
“But jesus was the son of god in human form. A human son of god would not have survived without the earth to sustain him.” -M-
“Fuck you you dumbass! Jesus can destroy you!” -E-
“As could a natural disaster destroy you, jesus freak” -M-
It was the bloodiest battle in the history of faceless one hundred forty character battles. The war raged on for days. And in the end...
Everyone realized that many different religions occupy this earth. Many different races. Many different holidays, times of worship, days we owe to a creator...
And like doctors appointments, and work days... Sometimes they overlap.
Happy Good Earth Friday. Get over it and put your keyboards away. Soldier.
No comments:
Post a Comment